


Nothing Wrong with Some Chaos

by littledemon66



Category: South Park
Genre: Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Idiots in Love, Kidnapping, Literally just dumb banter, Love Confessions, M/M, My First Work in This Fandom, Self-Indulgent, South Park: The Fractured But Whole, Swearing, because cmon they're south park kids, fake kidnapping because it's professor chaos, kenny and butters are 10, they take their masks off when they break character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:15:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24895270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littledemon66/pseuds/littledemon66
Summary: Professor Chaos is tired of Mysterion getting in his way so he decides to take a hostage as a bargaining chip. The thing is, they're all still kids so Butters isn't really a super villain and his hostage isn't really a hostage.
Relationships: Kenny McCormick/Leopold "Butters" Stotch, Mysterion/Professor Chaos (South Park)
Comments: 15
Kudos: 203





	Nothing Wrong with Some Chaos

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing anything for South Park so if the characters are OOC, I'm sorry. It's also my first time writing something where every character is a kid. I had a really fun time writing this!

“Oh Professor Chaos, that’s a great idea!” General Disarray grinned. Chaos puffed his chest out in pride. He had finally thought of an idea that would compel Mysterion to leave him alone. Every time Chaos tried to do anything, Mysterion would always come in and ruin everything. When he saw General Disarray leaving, Chaos quickly scrambled to take his helmet off.

“Hey Dougie, you have money, right? Or do you need to borrow some?” Butters asked. Dougie was going to need some money if their plan was going to work.

“Yeah I have ten dollars.” Dougie answered after rummaging in his pockets. He neatly folded up the note Butters had given him and put it in his pocket. “By the time Kenny gets here, I’ll be good to go.”

“You know where he is right now?” Butters pressed. It wouldn’t help if Dougie walked around town all day. Not to mention he’d feel absolutely terrible for making someone roam aimlessly around South Park.

“Probably in Cartman’s basement. I’m pretty sure that they’re having a superhero meeting right now. I’m just gonna give the note to Ms. Cartman and tell her to give it to Kenny.” Dougie waved to Butters and pulled the door of the storage container open, leaving Butters alone.

Butters pulled his helmet back on, becoming his villain alter ego again. Chaos was giddy with excitement for his upcoming confrontation with Mysterion. Maybe this time, chaos would finally prevail.

~~~~~

Mysterion sat quietly as he listened to Human Kite and Coon argue about something trivial while Toolshed had jumped in to pull Kite away from the verbal fight. Coon and Friends and Freedom Pals had created a pact to put their differences aside and team up to defeat Professor Chaos. But from how the meeting was going, they were the ones making chaos. The rest of the heroes watched in silence as the two heroes went at it. Mysterion would normally love to jump in and bash Coon’s head in, but he didn’t want to chance Coon summoning Cthulhu again.

Then the basement door opened and Cartman’s mom stood at the top of the stairs. The Coon started yelling at her to get out and leave him alone, but she still stood there unperturbed.

“Oh, well, someone named General Disarray had a letter for Mysterion. He said it was from Professor Chaos.” Ms. Cartman said, held a folded piece of paper in her hand. Mysterion jumped up from his seat and dashed up the stairs.

“That’s for me.” Mysterion said, making sure his voice was as gravely as possible.

“Of course. Here you go, dear.” Ms. Cartman handed Mysterion the letter. Then she turned to face all of the heroes. “Remember it’s a school night tonight. I want you all to go home in an hour, okay?”

“Yeah yeah whatever, Mom.” Coon rolled his eyes. “Now go away!”

Ms. Cartman giggled in the way moms did when they thought something was cute. “Have fun, sweetie.”

Then Ms. Cartman left, closing the door behind her. Mysterion went back down the stairs and sat in his seat. Human Kite had stopped arguing with Coon, now looking at the note in interest. All the heroes, with the exception of Coon, were huddled around Mysterion, waiting to see what was in the note.

“What does it say?!” Wonder Tweek was bouncing with excitement. Mysterion unfolded the paper and read the note aloud.

_ Mysterion, _

_ By the time you read this note, I’ll have someone you care deeply for in my possession. If you want them back, come to my lair by 8pm today  _ _ alone _ _. If you’re late or bring back up, I can’t guarantee their safety or yours. _

_ ~ Professor Chaos _

After Mysterion finished reading the note, the other heroes began talking over each other. He ignored the others’ questions and thought to himself. Well, the character Chaos didn’t know his identity. Unless Butters was cheating? But Butters hated when people cheated in games. The chime of an incoming FaceTime call snapped him out of his thoughts. The other heroes fell silent and stared at the tablet taped on the box. An incoming call and a picture of Butters was on the screen. Mysterion shoved his way through the crowd and accepted the call.

“Professor Chaos, I got your note. What do you want?” Mysterion didn’t give Chaos an opportunity to speak when he accepted the call.

“Well gee, Mysterion, if you let me talk, I’ll gladly tell ya.” Chaos looked at something that was slightly off-screen before looking back at Mysterion. “Well it’s just as the note said. Be here by 8 and no one’s gonna get hurt. And don’t even think about bringing someone else!”

“Did you take some innocent citizen that has nothing to do with this?” Mysterion spat out.

“The only way you’re going to find out is by coming to my lair!” Chaos seemed awfully excited. “And would you look at the time? It’s already 7:45!”

Mysterion swore under his breath. It would take about 10 minutes for him to run to Butters’ storage container. Barking out a low “don’t follow me” to the other heroes, he sprinted towards the stairs and took them two at a time. He raced out of Cartman’s house and out into the town. Mysterion ignored the looks he got from the townspeople and continued to run.

He gasped for breath once he got to Chaos’ lair, doubling over with his hands on his thighs. As soon as he caught his breath, Mysterion straightened his posture. He reached down and pulled the door up just enough for him to squeeze through. The area was dark except for the dim lighting of a small lamp and Chaos’ phone. At the sound of the door opening and closing, Chaos jolted and placed his phone on a table next to him. His hand reached out to flick a light on, illuminating the room so Mysterion could see all the clutter.

“I was starting to think that you wouldn’t show up, Mysterion!” Chaos’ hand raised to cover his mouth to mask a giggle. “You were real curious, weren’t you?”

“Cut to the chase, Chaos. What do you want?” Mysterion only felt slightly guilty for abruptly stopping Chaos’ laughter.

“In exchange for the hostage’s safety, I want you to stay away from my plans. I don’t want you to intrude when I’m trying to make chaos!” Chaos pointed directly at Mysterion accusingly. “You always get in my way!”

“It’s a hero’s job to stop villains like you, Chaos.” Mysterion moved closer, stepping over some of the junk in the room. He stopped when Chaos’ outstretched finger hit him in the chest. Chaos’ hand recoiled as soon as it made contact with the hero.

“Not interested to see who I got, Mysterion?” Chaos teased mockingly. He reached out and flicked the question mark above the hero’s head and watched it sway back and forth. Chaos made a joyous expression that was so inherently  _ Butters _ that Mysterion couldn’t bring himself to swat the villain’s hand away. “Aw, this is real fun!”

Mysterion sighed and smacked Chaos’ hand away, instantly regretting his decision at the crestfallen expression on the other boy’s face. To salvage the situation, Mysterion scrambled to think of something funny to say.

“I just hope you didn’t get my very best friend, Eric Cartman. He lives in a big green house and his room’s on the second floor. It’s impossible to miss it.” Mysterion joked. “I really hope you don’t do anything horrible to him because he has a really low pain tolerance.”

“I could never kidnap Cartman! I would never be able to lift him!” Chaos laughed. “But I got someone else! Don’t move, Mysterion.”

Chaos leaned over to grab his phone. He tapped feverishly, keeping Mysterion at an arm’s length whenever he tried to peek at the screen. Then he grinned and moved his phone further away.

“General Disarray! Do you have the hostage?” Chaos asked. He tilted the phone so Mysterion could see the screen. He saw General Disarray sitting at a table at City Wok with some food in front of him.

“Sure do, Professor Chaos!” The camera shook a little and revealed Karen McCormick sitting next to Disarray and eating happily.

Mysterion saw Disarray’s elbow nudge her side and she turned towards the camera. Her face brightened and she waved. Karen whispered something to Disarray and he whispered back, too quiet for the phone to pick up. Then she looked back at the camera.

“Oh, Mysterion! I’m so happy you’re here! One of Professor Chaos’ goons is here!” Karen laughed. She tried to stifle her laughter, but ultimately failed. “Please, Mysterion! You have to help me!”

“Karen, you have soy sauce on your cheek!” Chaos pointed out, tapping his right cheek. Karen immediately grabbed a napkin and wiped it off.

“Sorry!” Karen apologized. “Anyway, please help me, Mysterion! I’m… um, being held at gunpoint!”

Karen then burst into another fit of giggles, General Disarray’s laughter now being heard. Mysterion couldn’t help but smile at the sight. He turned to look at Chaos and saw his shoulders shaking in masked laughter.

“Don’t worry, Karen. I’ll save you.” Mysterion could only handle a few words to make sure he wouldn’t laugh as well. Karen had always had a contagious laugh.

“You saw her, Mysterion. If you don’t want anything bad to happen to her, you have to promise you won’t get involved when I go out and start trouble!” Chaos held his phone with his left hand and put out his right pinkie in Mysterion’s direction.

Mysterion smiled at the gesture, putting his right pinkie out and crossing his left pointer and middle finger behind his back. Their pinkies intertwined, Chaos not seeing Mysterion’s left hand. Chaos nodded sagely and pulled his hand away.

“It’s a promise then.” Chaos said. Before the villain could say anything else, General Disarray started speaking.

“Um, hey Butters. My mom texted me and I have to be home in half an hour.” Dougie sounded upset at the fact that he had to go home early. Chaos took his helmet off and sighed. At the sight, Mysterion pulled his hood down and took his mask off.

“Well that’s okay, Dougie. Your house is 5 minutes away from City Wok, right?” When Dougie nodded, Butters continued. “Me and Kenny’ll be there in 15 minutes.”

“I’ll wait until you get here so you guys can take Karen.” Dougie said. After he said that, Karen pouted.

“I can go home by myself!” Karen tried to argue but Kenny gave her a stern look.

“Karen, wait for me to get there and we can walk home together, okay?” The last thing Kenny wanted was for Karen to be walking home alone. They lived in a bad part of town, so anything could happen. Kenny knew firsthand what the possible dangers were.

“And you can have some of my food! I can’t eat all of this.” Karen picked up her plate and moved it towards the camera, showing off her half-eaten food.

“We can all walk home together!” Butters exclaimed. “It’ll be fun!”

Butters waved at the camera and ended the call. He pocketed his phone and held his helmet under his arm like a football. Kenny put his mask away as well. Now that they were unmasked, they were just a pair of ten-year-olds.

“C’mon, Ken. Let’s go so Dougie doesn’t get grounded!” Butters’ cape fluttered behind him. Kenny just barely resisted the urge to tell Butters that not all parents grounded their kids for little things like being a few minutes late.

“Yeah I’m coming.” Kenny snickered at his own joke and Butters grinned in understanding.

Butters grunted when he bent over to pull the door up. He pushed it up high enough to slip through. Kenny ducked down, leaving the storage container. Butters followed suit, closing the door carefully behind him.

Then they made their way to City Wok, taking their sweet time. It wasn’t too far away, so they didn’t have to run. When they were close enough that they could see the restaurant, Kenny looked over at Butters and his heart leapt to his throat. He looked absolutely gorgeous in the moonlight. His baby blue eyes seemed to sparkle as if they themselves were made of stars and the wind ruffled his hair. Butters seemed to notice Kenny staring at him from the corner of his eyes because he turned to look at him.

“Is there something on my face?” Butters blinked innocently, smiling.

“Nah, it’s nothing.” Kenny wished that he had his parka to cover his face. He knew that his cheeks were tinted red, so Butters either didn’t see it or was too nice to comment on it. “Just thinking about how lucky I am that Professor Chaos didn’t kidnap my crush.”

“You like someone, Ken?” Butters raised his eyebrows in surprise. “I won’t tell Professor Chaos, I promise!”

“I dunno, Professor Chaos knew about my sister.” Kenny shrugged playfully. “You might spill my secrets.”

“Don’t be like that, Kenny! I swear on my life that I won’t tell nobody!” Butters put a hand over his heart. Kenny laughed at the sight.

“Okay, fine I’ll tell you.” Kenny considered his options for a moment. “Actually, I’ll describe them for you. And then you can guess who it is.”

“That sounds like fun!” Butters nodded enthusiastically. “Okay, I’m listening!”

Kenny took a deep breath to calm himself. Why in the everloving fuck was he about to do this? Well, Kenny figured, if things go downhill, he could just shoot himself in the head so Butters wouldn’t remember. Nodding to himself, Kenny started to think of basic things to say.

“First off, it’s a guy.” Kenny said and waited for Butters’ reaction. Butters didn’t look surprised or disgusted. If anything, he seemed to smile wider. “And he’s blond.”

“Okay, so a blond guy. Does he go to our school? Is he in our class?” Butters fired off two questions in rapid succession.

“Uh, yes and yes.” Kenny answered vaguely. He was starting to regret doing this. There were only a few blond boys in their class: Butters, Kenny, and Tweek. Well it was already absolutely obvious so he had nothing else to lose.

“Hold on-” Butters began, but Kenny cut him off.

“And he’s got the cutest blue eyes I’ve ever seen.” Kenny stared in front of him, watching Butters from the corner of his eye. He took a deep breath and began to spill his heart out.

“He’s the nicest guy in South Park too. Even though everyone always gives him shit, he still manages to be the happiest person in this town. His parents treat him like trash but he’s still a ray of sunshine. It’s like nothing can stop him from smiling. Even when he’s hurting on the inside, he doesn’t show it. He’s the type to pretend to be fine just to keep everyone around him happy.

Whenever I see him get hurt, the only thing I want to do is give him a hug and tell him that it’s all going to be okay. He’s the type that you’d take a bullet to the head for. He has a villain alter ego named Professor Chaos that tries to be evil, but he’d never hurt anyone, even by accident. He wouldn’t even hurt the people who have hurt him. He used to be a pimp and pretended to be a girl named Marjorine. He pretended to a paladin before we started playing superheroes.

And his name is Leopold ‘Butters’ Stotch.” Kenny finished. Wow, unloading all of that felt amazing. His heart, though still heavy from his secrets, felt a little lighter. It felt good to finally get something off his chest. He looked over at Butters, scared to see his reaction.

To his surprise, Butters’ eyes were wide open and tears were freely falling down his cheeks. Kenny stopped walking and scrambled to check his pockets to look for a tissue. Of course he didn’t have one. Shit, now he went and made Butters cry.

“Shit shit shit. I’m so sorry, Butters.” Kenny reached his hand out to wipe the other boy’s tears.

He cupped his hands around Butters’ cheeks and used his thumbs to wipe the tears that were falling. Butters shakily reached up and placed his own hands over Kenny’s. That was when Kenny realized that Butters was smiling. It was a watery smile, sure, but a smile nonetheless.

“Aw hamburgers, Ken.” Butters sniffled. “I’m real glad to hear that.”

“You are?” Kenny said quietly.

Butters pulled his face away from Kenny’s hands, wiping his face with his sleeves. Then he pulled on his helmet, becoming Professor Chaos. Confused, Kenny pulled his hood up but didn’t bother with the mask.

“Mysterion,” started Professor Chaos (who was still Butters at his core). “I’ve changed my demands.”

“Have you now?” Kenny didn’t bother changing his voice. He knew that Butters put the helmet on whenever he needed confidence.

“Yeah.” Butters nodded. “In exchange for Karen McCormick’s safety, I want Kenny McCormick to go on a date with Leopold Stotch this weekend.”

Kenny smiled. He reached out and took Chaos’ helmet in his hands, carefully taking it off. Then he shrugged his hood off. He handed the helmet back to Butters, who took it and put it under his arm again. Kenny took Butters by the hand and intertwined their fingers. They both had gloves on, but Kenny could still feel the heat of Butters’ hand.

“I’d like that a lot.” Kenny squeezed Butters’ hand and they crossed the street to City Wok.

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked this, please leave a kudos and/or comment because that shit validates me! It would be quite sexy of you to drop some validation, y'know ;))))))


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